First 40

Yesterday was my BFF’s 40th birthday.

Marissa and I have been friends since I don’t even remember when. We were in the same Kindergarten class at Benbrook Elementary. We went all through elementary, middle school and two years of High School. We roomed together at Texas Tech. She was in my wedding and I was at hers. I remember when she was pregnant with her daughter. We lost touch for a few years, then after she had her son and I had Michael we reconnected. Then, for about the next eight or nine years we were only in contact two or three time. Then last summer she found me on Facebook.

I am so blessed to have her back in my life. I have really needed her this year, and every time, she has been there! She truly is a lifelong friend, and I love her! So, when her husband called and invited me to a surprise party for her 40th birthday, there was no question that I would be there.

The party was a lot of fun, and it is always wonderful to see her family. There is something that just feels good about being with people who have known you through all the good, and all the bad too! But it has left me pondering 40 and my 40’s. When I reflect back on my 30’s, I am astonished by how many times my life has been turned upside down with changes. What will my 40’s bring? What will the next 40 years bring? The possibilities are endless, and exciting, and frightening.
Anyway, these are a few pics from last night.


Me and Marissa! Who would ever believe that we are "40!"

All of those candles! It took like a hour to light them! LOL!

And then they were trick candles and kept lighting back up!

Marissa and her mom, Helen. Two beautiful women, on the inside and out!

Dirt Bike Boys

I am pretty sure that I blogged about the boys getting dirt bikes for Christmas last year. The bikes are no big deal, but the boys were SO excited to get them! They tried to ride them a little after Christmas and did pretty well, but then things just got crazy and they really didn’t get back on them until June. They were at a Dirt Bike camp the day that Daddy died.

Just after then they tried to ride, but both bikes needed a tune-up. Mark brought them home to work on. Finally, about two weeks ago the boys stayed out with Mom for the weekend, and we found a trailer and a dirt bike for Mark, and on Sunday when we went out to pick the boys up they got to ride dirt bikes with their dad. I can not tell you how happy that made me to see the three of them together having fun.

I took the boys back to Mom’s last weekend and Michael and Mavrick road again. That time I decided to watch them in style with my shade structure and lounge chair. They did so good, especially not to have Mark there with them! But after a while, they got bored and I told them that I would take them this weekend to the dirt bike track a few miles from Mom’s. Thankfully, it rained all day yesterday, and they had a busy day today, so we didn’t go. I am a bit worried about their lack of experience, but this track has a track specifically for kids. I hope the more experienced riders will be on the bigger track so they can be comfortable, but still see that they have a lot to learn yet. They have already asked if we could go next weekend. :)


This is Mark on his bike. It is a beast! It is as tall as I am!


This is Mavrick. He has already taken to spills, but gets right back on!


This is Michael. He gets bored real quickly on Mom's land, so hopefully he will like the track.


And this is my husband. Something about that little outfit is HOT!!!


And this is the trailer. It is packed! Can you imagine me driving with this thing on the back of my car? (See the pulling trailer blog from October of '08! LOL!)

A Special Day

43 years ago today, my mom married my dad, and so began a legacy of unconditional love and friendship. I am so blessed to have this as my heritage! Thank you Mom and Daddy for teaching me how to be a true friend and how to love without limits. ♥ U Mom. ♥ and miss you so much Daddy!

You probably saw this as my Facebook status today. It is kind of bitter sweet day. I am so proud of my parents for keeping it together for so long. Mark and I have been married 17 years, and I can honestly say it’s not always easy. There are not flowers every day, and after only 17 years we will both admit that we are not the same people we were when we met and/or got married. I can only imagine how one would change over 43 years.

The weekend before Daddy died, my three boys stayed with them. Mom and Dad were talking about something and Mom gave Daddy “the finger.” Well one of the kids saw and said something like “aaaawwww! You waved your nasty finger at Poppy!” Mom’s reply was simply, “that’s how we communicate.” Ok, it may not have been the most polite form of communication, but it was communication. I think sometimes we forget to communicate, or even how to communicate. But they still could and did, after all those years together.

In a Beth Moore study I was doing right before Daddy died, she spoke of our heritage. We are children of God, and we have inherited all of the good and mighty things that would entail. We were encouraged to pay attention to the legacy, the heritage that we are creating for our children. My parents were great examples of how to love each other through it all. I know times were not always easy, and some were just dang hard, but they stayed together through it all. Not even once considering walking away from the other. I am proud of my heritage, and I can only pray that I will leave my children the same legacy that my precious parents have given me.

The Grill Girl

LOL! OK, this is a story about one of those things I have gotten myself into. It all started around Valentine’s Day. Mark has wanted to make an outdoor kitchen for some time and we found some grills on an auction, so we bought it. I think at that time we picked up two grills. One was really nice and brand new and one was ok and may have been used a time or two. Then, in March, we found another auction that was three grills. Anyway, between a few auctions we have accumulated an amazing stainless steel outdoor kitchen for relatively very little money. It was a very good purchase and will easily add value to our home.

You will notice that I said “between a few auctions,” which means that we did get a few items that we didn’t want. At one point during the summer, I believe we had about 15 grills, refrigerators and sink units on our back porch. Can you say white trash? I am so glad that it was on the back porch! Welcome to the trailerhood! Just call me the Grill Girl! Anyway, I have been putting the grills on Craig’s List, and to date, we have recouped our investment, so our outdoor kitchen will has cost us nothing so far, and we kept two grills, to fridges and another piece that are all stainless.

It has been kind of fun, almost like having a business again, only I am working very little. But it has also been a bit stressfull because the back yard has been so packed with grills that we haven’t been able to do anything that we want to do yet. We are down to our last few and I am hoping in the fall that I will get to complete our outdoor kitchen project . . . just as soon as we get a remodel on the master bath finished! LOL!

Chaos is in the house!

Chaos. That is the situation you find when you walk in our front door. Well, at least when you get to the top of the stairs. You see, all my boys are trading bedrooms. This started last week as Mavrick took all of Major’s things and put them in his room and moved some of his things into Major’s room. This would have been ok if we would have had a smooth weekend. . . but we didn’t.

So, here we are a week later and our upstairs is still in complete chaos! Major’s old room needs to have the crib taken down and the rest of Mavrick’s things moved into it. The bathroom is clean and looks great. Mavrick’s old room and Michael’s old room look like a tornado came through them. Half of the game room is near perfection, however the other half just needs to be put in a bag and sent to CCA.

The point in this whole room switch thing was to put Major into Michael’s old room – that still has the Buzz Lightyear mural painted on it. We just were having such a tough time with painting over it, and then Major started watching the Toy Story movies, and it just seemed to work. I am praying that Major will like sleeping in his new room, and stop sleeping in mommy’s bed! I guess if I am honest, I would rather take it all slow and do it all myself so I can make sure a lot of their junk is moved out and/or thrown away. The only problem with that is the fact that Major has been so sick this week and so needy. I am hoping that by this time next week I can report that he is well and they are all moved into the appropriate bedrooms. . . Keep your fingers crossed!

Journaling

I have decided that I need to start writing again. Seriously. I have so much going on in my head. I have to get it out. So, with that said, please know that what I say here is not intended to hurt or upset anyone. What I write here is for me and my kids to look back on one day and see how we have grown from the experiences we have gone through. This is my journal, published for the whole world to see. I welcome you to read our story, but remember you can stop at anytime. I do hope you enjoy what you find here, and perhaps it helps you to grow a little too.

Where I Am

Christy and I are going to a Grief Share group that starts tonight. Ok, I’m not going tonight because Major is sick, but that is a later entry. Anyway, I started reading the workbook that goes with the group sessions. I think it will help me move forward some. As of now, I am in denial. I am not dealing with my dad’s death at all. As a matter of fact, I am kind of in a process where I feel like if I don’t admit it, it won’t be real. I am doing an amazing job keeping myself busy so I don’t have to face reality.

The bad part of this plan is that every time I see a picture of Daddy it is like the first time I am finding out he is gone. I don’t know if this is a normal part of the grieving process. And now that things are slowing down a bit, I am realizing that it is going to be difficult to keep as busy as I was able to do this summer.

Major Rash

Major is a sick little boy. Last week, I think it was Tuesday night he started coughing, and gradually by Friday it was a very congested cough. Over the weekend his nose started running and he wasn’t sleeping well, which meant that Mark and I were not sleeping well. So, on Tuesday I took Major to the Dr. who had us go for x-rays, which verified that he has pneumonia in his right lung. After I got him home, he started to develop a crazy rash. And it just got worse and worse. I took him back this afternoon and they gave him an oral steroid, Benadryl, and a breathing treatment. She said that the rash was unrelated to the pneumonia and a virus that was working its way out of his body. Here are some pictures of what we have been dealing with.

Back to School

School has started. As you know, last year we homeschooled the boys. It was the right thing to do at that time. But about March I started to see that I was not where I needed to be in order to be what they needed me to be. This was further compounded when Daddy died. I am not in a position to teach anyone anything. I realize this, and although I feel like have let people down, I just can’t do it right now.

The boys started at Hawk Elementary School on Monday. And, as of the third day of school they both really like it. They are making new friends, like and dislike their teachers and have a crush. Mavrick has two teachers and they change classes. Michael has three teachers and he changes classes too. Already preparing them for middle school! Mavrick even has a little girl that was in his class at Temple in his class. There are two other kids who went to Temple with them, one in each grade.

We all were crazy nervous. I have been praying a lot about it; for Godly, Christian friends and for protection from anything that is not from or of God. Every time I think about them during the day I lift them in prayer. And you know, I have taught them right and wrong, to love and respect, and to follow God. That is really all I can do, none of the rest is in my hands.

These are pictures from the first day of school. Mavrick is in 4th and Michael is in 5th.

Pictures.

Pictures. We have lots of them. You could say I am a picture person. I have some new ones around of Mom and Daddy. Every time one catches my eye, when I see my Daddy, I just cannot believe he is gone. It really is like being hit in the stomach every time. I know you are probably tired of hearing about this by now. But I just cannot believe it. And I don’t know when or how I will be able to.

Some People!

OK, I realize that I am a big ball of irrational thoughts and emotions. But this morning I got an email from a non-voting member of a board I volunteer on. It sent me past being pissed off. She basically was making up excuses for something not being done because she was concerned (yeah, we’ll call it that) about something else not being taken care of, which in reality was being taken care of. Then she asked for something that 1.) I just don’t have, and 2.) has more or less been presented to her in the past.

Come on! I remember the brief period of time that I was not married, had a job but not really a whole lot going on. I would go exercise. I feel like this witch is sitting around thinking of things other people can do for her. Really? Because I have so much more going on that I can’t even function without a list to remind me of everything I need to do.

Needless to say, I responded to her email with a big fat “sorry, you are not getting that. I don’t have it and don’t have time to go get it.” Then I closed with “BTW – I don’t have time to play with you and I am certainly not ready to play nice.” This woman has rubbed me wrong from the beginning. I pray that she gets the message! I was rude today, but I can get ugly if I need to.

A Few Crazy Months

The last few months have been difficult on me, to put it lightly. It seems that life has been a roller coaster since mid-March. It was about that time that I decided that Homeschooling the boys just wasn’t for me. I am just not structured enough to make everyone happy. Even I am not organized enough. I love the freedom part, and I love spending all this time with my sweet boys. And it was a fantastic year that I would not trade. But overall, our family was not benefitting like we should have been. I guess it is true that “if momma ain’t happy, ain’t no body happy.” So we spent the rest of the school year making sure the boys knew all the information on the TAKS Test that the public schools give their students so they would be able to go to the school by us.

While all of this was going on Mark and I hit a rough spot. We both had kind of lost ourselves and each other in everyday life. It has be a difficult few months for us, but I feel like we are on our way back to reconnecting and getting back to good. But we had a period of time that things here were just too tense and that tension was getting to the kids. So, right after Mavrick’s birthday, me and the boys went to visit my sister-in-laws in Austin. We only planed to be there a few days, but ended up being gone for 10 days. We came home on a Thursday, and the following Tuesday, Daddy died.

I feel like I have just been in neutral since then. It didn’t all happen at once, but if feels like it. I am just waiting for the next bomb to go off. Trying to lay low and wait. Today, it has really become evident to me that that is what I am doing. Keeping myself busy and trying to stay below the radar so noting else bad will happen. This would probably be a good time to start therapy.

Not Ready to Deal

So I have been pretty open about the fact that I am not dealing with my dad’s death.

It’s not that I am not dealing WELL with it… I am just not dealing with it. It’s not that I am not accepting it … I am just not dealing with it. I find that I am keeping myself so busy trying not to think about it that there are days that I get up in the morning and don’t sit down until dinner. I am running from the facts. And I don’t know that it is so much that I don’t want to, as much as I can’t. I just can’t. I have to realize every day that he is gone. That I won’t see him again. And I just can’t wrap my head around that. It is like this thing is so big that I can’t even get a grasp on the reality of it.

At the funeral there was supposed to be a video. Mark stayed up till 3 am the night before the funeral working on it. We sent it to the church, and because the service was in their smaller, and older sanctuary, they didn’t have the equipment to run it. So, Buddy, my sisters Brother-in-law, took it home and worked on it and made us all DVD’s. I got it at least a month ago and have not been able to watch it yet. I think that is part of me not wanting to accept the reality. I feel like watching it might make it real. And I am just not ready for it to be real.

I read an article a few days ago about grief that said it sometimes help to talk to the person you have lost. Just because their body is not present does not mean that they are not still with us. So, while I was cleaning the house the other day, I tried it. I talked a while with Daddy. That night, he was in my dreams. It was the first time I had dreamed about him since he died. He walked into the room carrying Isabella on one hip and Major on the other hip. He looked wonderful and he lit up the room. But as quickly as the joy came, it passed, because somehow in my dream I knew he was gone and I woke up.

Deep Thoughts with Michelle

Has anyone ever said something to you that kind of makes your rethink your whole life… Kind of makes you wonder who you are and who you were?

I have recently been reminded of one of the boys I “saw” in High School, and how I thought I was better than him and stopped seeing him for that reason. Well and that I was afraid of how my group of “friends” would react if they knew. And that I wanted to date another guy who’s parents had money. This guy lived with his mom in a little house on a street of little houses. He ran in a rougher group than I did. On the surface, he just wasn’t one of us, and I thought that being with him would somehow separate me from the group I hung out with.

I really liked him. But, I know it is true. I remember thinking it. I remember that it didn’t feel good to make that decision. I remember the feeling of wanting to be myself, but deciding to be who I thought everyone else wanted me to be. I didn’t even have enough guts to tell him myself. I had one of his friends tell him.

It makes me wonder what else I have missed in life by being who I thought the rest of the world wanted me to be. Don’t get me wrong. I firmly believe that I was created to be with Mark, and the mother of Michael, Mavrick and Major. But what have I cheated myself out of? What have I cheated us out of? Maybe better jobs, a nicer home, nicer cars… bigger, better, nicer? Just by working to be who I thought everyone else wanted me to be. It makes me wonder who I am? Do I really even know? Am I still living my life like that?

A snake story.

OK. I will warn you, this entry contains TOO Much Information. But without it, the story is not near as funny!

The boys and I had spent the last few days at Mom’s and came home today. Well, this morning, I was in the bathroom doing my business when I heard mom come in the front door and yell “Michelle! Come here!”…”Michelle Kay! Come Here!” It was the kind of voice that you would think someone was dead. Really! But since I could hear all three of the boys asking her ”what is it?” I knew they were ok. So, she must have cut her hand off. Why else would she be yelling like that? So I pulled my pants up and went running.

I get to the front door and it is a snake slithering across the front yard. Mom says “do you know how to load a gun?” I said “no!” I have an automatic pistol that you just push the cartridge into, and I knew she was talking about a shot gun! So, I said, you get the gun and I will follow it. So I slipped on her white rubber clogs, which looked fantastic with my boxer shorts and tank top that I slept in, and grabbed the hoe and went around to the side of the house and found it again and followed it. – Sidebar: I am deathly frightened of snakes! I will cry if you talk to me about one! Once at the Town of Flower Mound, I had to go out in a field and check some cars for an auction and the grass was high and I was so scared that I cried when I asked someone to mow in that area before I could finish my job! – So I have my hoe in my hand and get closer to the snake and it stops. He knows I am there and he blows up on the sides like a cobra! I honestly don’t know why I did not pee on myself right then and there! I must have been a sight with my hoe raised like I was going in for the strike. Then here comes mom.

I turned around in she is in her nighty, that is short and has spaghetti straps, and a pair of my daddy’s ropers! LOL! Again, I honestly don’t know why I did not pee on myself right then and there! And she is carrying a broken garden tool, not a gun!

Well, by this time the snake has slithered up under this really big propane tank, and she would not have been able to shoot at it anyway. She poked around under it into the leaves, but the snake didn’t come back out. So we went back inside and got on the internet to find out what kind of snake it was. I don’t remember what we decided… something about a hog. Anyway, I asked her “why did you bring that broken garden too and not a gun?” She had not been able to find the key to the gun cabinet since daddy died. Needless to say, we had found the key within the next hour. And I did finally get to finish my business!

Good times at the Farm!

Distance and Dependence

Last October, mom and dad moved to the farm. The farm was my grandparents place and really the only constant home I ever knew. We lived in several houses, but the house mom and dad lived in, I had no emotional attachment to at all. The farm, I definitely have emotional feelings here.

So, after 8 years of living around the corner and down 11 houses from mom and dad, I was sad when they moved away. They were not only our family, but our friends, our neighbors, our babysitters, our grocery store. Mark had even said, just a few months before they moved out here, “I don’t know what we would do without your parents here.”

I had to make BIG adjustments in my life. They weren’t bad, but it did mean I had to put on my big girl panties and deal with things more often than I had grown accustomed to. Now, I look back on how I felt when they moved, and it was like I mourned for them. I grieved the loss of that connection. In some strange way though, it was like God was preparing us for this time, for this season. I cannot even imagine still seeing Daddy every day, because I did see him pretty much every day, and losing him. Mom would be at work, but Daddy was ALWAYS there when I needed anything. I cannot even imagine losing him if he were still such a constant in my, in our, lives. I can’t imagine being more devastated, but I know I would be.

And just as I learned to deal with things when they moved, I will learn to deal with Daddy moving to Heaven. And just as I didn’t have to like them moving, but I had to accept it, one day, I know I will accept this, but I know it will never be ok. I don’t have to like it, but I have to accept it.

My Amazing Little Men

The kids and I are at my mom’s house right now. I am still looking for healing. Still looking for peace. I can’t even wrap my head around the idea of my dad being one. I still expect to walk to the end of the hall and see him at the computer. It just doesn’t even seem real, except for the fact that I feel broken.

Tonight we were in the dining room, and there are two pictures of mom and dad on a low table. Major was talking to the pictures. I was standing there with Michael and mom and we just watched him for a while. He was saying “paw-paw” pointing at daddy and then “honey” pointing at mom. It was precious.

The boys had stayed the weekend with mom and daddy the weekend before he died. I picked the boys up late Monday afternoon and he died Tuesday morning. Anyway, on that Monday, Major had said “paw-paw” for the first time. Daddy had been waiting on that child to say that for a long time. He was so happy that Major finally said it. And one day, Major is going to be so happy to know that he made Daddy’s day on that day.

Michael also had a sad moment in the dining room. Mom was talking about getting a smaller desk and Michael went to her crying. I was standing right there and of course crying because he was crying. He told her that desk was Poppy’s and that was where they remember him spending a lot of time and that he wanted her to keep it right there. I was so proud of him for speaking up and expressing his feelings. Michael and Mavrick have been real quiet about Poppy’s death. But I can tell they are fragile right now. Their fuses just seem shorter. But they are all three amazing young men! And I know they are going to be a big help to their Honey in the days and years to come.

A Handkerchief

I have started a journal for the kids of just different little things about Daddy – ok, its for me too. Not my point. The purpose is to help the kids remember, and for the younger ones, get to know, their Poppy and how much he loved them. And boy, did that man love those babies! I am working diligently just to make it about Daddy, taking caution to not put anything in it about how I am feeling. Just little facts about Daddy.

One of the recent things I wrote was about how my dad ALWAYS carried a handkerchief. A hankie in his back pocket and a pocketknife in his front pocket – two things you could count on. He is actually the only man that I have ever known to carry a hankie. Well, today when I was sorting laundry I found one. I have to assume it was Daddy’s. It was probably with something I picked up at the farm and ended up here. But it was nice to see that Daddy still has a hankie handy to wipe my tears. I will definitely keep it with me from now on.

Father's Day

I am looking forward to the day that I can joke and play again. And I know it will come, but today is just not that day.

This was my first Father’s Day without my father. It’s been a rough day, and a very long day. Me and the kids got up and went to our church. Major threw a massive fit and ended up going to service with me. Thankfully, Michael and Mavrick went to their group. About the second song I lost it. I don’t even remember what song it was, but it opened my heart enough to relieve some of the pain that is there.

I think I am physically, emotionally and mentally empty. Done. Bankrupt. But I am having trouble crying , having trouble grieving . Perhaps in part to the fact that I still can believe my current reality. Yesterday I saw one of my neighbors and he said, “I sure am sorry to hear about your dad.” And for a split second I thought “what in the hell are you talking about?” Then like a ton of bricks it hit me.

I am so blessed to have had 39 years with the best dad on earth. You know, even when he was mad at me, it still wasn’t bad. He was so patient and so kind. My heart is just broken. But I thank God for my boys to keep me going. Tonight I sat down in the shower to just cry, and I would probably still be there if it were not time to get Major in bed and for Michael and Mavrick’s showers. Time will not stand still, the world is still turning. And not only am I a grieving daughter, I am the mother of three beautiful boys who need me to. So, we shall go on…

Yellow roses grow in heaven, Lord pick a bunch for me. Place them in my
father's arms and tell him they're from me. Tell him that I love and
miss him. When he turns to smile place a kiss upon his cheek and hold
him for awhile, because remembering him is easy, I do it every day.
There's an ache in my heart that will never go away.
Happy Father's Day! I love you Daddy!

Hey! . . . oh, wait.

Today in Wal-Mart I had my first “Hey! There’s Daddy!... oh wait. It’s not.“ moment. It was difficult. I am going to miss that man so much. Tonight mom is spending her first night alone at the farm. I am praying for peace for her. Boy, this whole thing sucks. My heart is so broken. I am scared. What do we do now? How can this even be real? It is so not fair! I was having a conversation with Mark and all of the sudden got that big reality slap in the face and all I could say is “I am not old enough to be having this conversation.”

The really strange thing though, is that I kind of feel like I have lived this all before. Or kind of like I have dreamed it before. It is all very familiar in a way. It makes me wonder if I am trying to make this Pop-Paw’s death again and not dealing with it as my dad’s. Mom said that she has kind of felt for 25 years, since his first heart attack, worried that everyday would be his last. It was like she had lived with the fear of “will today be the day that he dies?” for 25 years. And now she doesn’t have to have that fear anymore.

I was blessed by three phone calls from dear friends today. They all three just called to check on me. I have the most beautiful friends and family. Blessings are all around me. I just have to be still and take them in.

A new week

It is Sunday. The start of a new week. I have made it through most of the day without extra drugs. I am having trouble focusing on what I am doing. I start out and walk into a room and then stand there with my hands on my hips thinking “hmmm… what was I doing?” And I am still in great disbelief. The reality that my daddy is gone is yet to sink in.

My goodness, how I love that man. We have been calling him “our voice of reason.” I can rarely recall him being angry. But when he was angry, he would get mad as hell. I can mostly recall the calm, the reason, the peace. I am praying for peace, for calm. I know that the reason is beyond me.

Mom seems to be doing well. Today is her first day at home alone and tonight her first night alone. She is such a strong woman. I went to the grocery store by myself last night and it was all I could do to make it there without crying.

Things will never be back to normal. But as we try to find a new normal I want to slow our lives down a bit. Enjoy the small things more. Live our lives and not have our lives living us. I pray for peace.

Back and Blue

I am back. But I have sad news.


On Tuesday, June 8, 2010, my sweet Daddy went to be with the Lord. It was a sudden loss, and incredibly shocking. Apparently he had another heart attack and didn’t make it through.

We are all very shocked. Mom is holding up well. Christy is so strong, and I am heavily medicated. Anyway, blogging has been therapeutic in the past, so you will be hearing from me more often for a while at least. I do ask for your prayers. I am heartbroken and don’t know if I will ever understand why.

The funeral will be on Friday at 10am at North Side Baptist Church in Weatherford.

Cute Little Song

I got this from my Homeschool Mom's group. It goes to the tune of "Oh My Darlin', Oh My Darlin'..." So sweet!

Oh my darling little children
I'm so happy that you're mine
I'm so happy to be with you
To be with you all the time.

I'm so glad I'm not a daddy
Off to work he has to go
I'll be home to play and teach you
Home to watch you grow.

Oh my darling little children
What a gift God gave to me
When He let me be a mommy
In our happy family.

Oh my darling little children
I'm so happy that you're mine
I'm so happy to be with you
To be with you all the time.

Texas Stadium Seats

For Christmas, Mark got me a tanning membership. I feel good when I am tan and he benefits from me feeling good - it was a WIN/WIN! Anyway, the strip center that the salon is in is still real new and mostly vacant, and next door are TONS of statium seats. Really, I am talking like 25,000 seats.

So, Mark tells me that he saw all of these seats and I really got excited. I was like "WOW! That is a piece of history! That would be so cool!" I wanted them! OK, looking back, I was probably played by my husband. But I am pretty sure we both got what we wanted.

Last week, I finally met the guy that had all the seats and placed my order. Well, it just so happened that he was having an event last weekend with some former Dallas Cowboys, and other local NFL players to autograph the chairs, or whatever else you might have. Mavrick was with me and went nuts. He was so excited!

So, last Saturday rolled around and I took Michael and Mavrick. We got our set of seats signed, and met some really nice Cowboys. But my favorite was Bam Morris, who played for Texas Tech. I believe he plays for the Steelers now.
Bam is one BIG man, but he was so nice... just like you would expect a former Texas Tech player to be!

Both boys had footballs for the players to sign and got signatures from Bam, EJ Whitley #70, Dixon Edwards #58, Lincoln Coleman #44 , Mario Edwards #27 , Kevin Smith #26 , Kelvin Garmon #? , Ryan Neufeld # , Keithon Flemming (who they say is going to sign with the Bears, but is right out of college)and Brashir Yamini. The cool thing about it all is that we have the seats and can take the backs off to have them signed by other players. You know I am on the look out for Miles Austin!

Amazing Winter

We have had an amazing winter here. Last week was our third snow of the season. We ended up with over a foot here at our house, and records were broken all over the area. Needless to say, we didn't have school. Major did go out in the snow for the first time though. On Thursday, I took him out and he was ok for about 15 minutes and really seemed to like it. On Friday, I took him out and he was not so into it. He loves going outside, but he was just too cold to be out.

On Friday, we went up to the elementary school, which has a really good hill, and went sledding. It was a blast! I just went down twice, and couldn't steer worth a crap, but it was FUN!

My boys

Last night, Michael, Mavrick and I went down to Waco to see Tech play Baylor in basketball. Tech lost again, but that wasn't really the point of the trip.

Before Major came along, we would hang out together alot. The big boys miss that. They tell me so. I have tried to start doing something with JUST them at least once a month. We take Major as often as we can, but I like to just take Michael and Mav too.

I have wondered many times, what will happen when they grow up? I have worried (you know how I love to worry) that they will marry some girl in NYC and we will never see them. We don't see Mark's parents but about 4 times a year. Growing up, I don't remember seeing my dad's parents a whole lot. Typically, I think women are closer to their parents and parents are closer to their daughters.

So, that sucks for me. I am in love with my boys, and chances are, they will start leaving in a few years and just be gone. A friend of mine told me that her mother-in-law told her when she got married "a daughter is your daughter all her life, and a son is your son until he takes a wife."

Wednesdays...

Wednesdays, in general, are a beating for me. Mark leaves for work by 8:30 am, and does not leave the church till at least 9:00 pm on Wednesdays. I am truly a single mom on these days. I usually end-up having a cocktail or two on Wednesday evenings.

I worked with a woman many years back, before we had kids, named Trudy. She was a single mom. There was NO interaction from the boys father. She did it all. I was always amazed by her. But now... now that I have three kids of my own, I am even more amazed and my respect for her grows each time I think of her. I don't know how single mom's do it! Really!

Today has been especially trying. We got up and had school this morning, then the boys went to their gym class at Lifetime. After that, we went out to Grapevine Mills to look for some shoes to go with a dress I got... didn't find any! Then, we went to a Valentines Party at Chuck E. Cheese out there. OK! I could only take about an hour and a half.

So, we left Grapevine about 4:30. Now, my other issue today is that my kids looked bad. They had not had haircuts since before Thanksgiving. Pittard Christian Academy does not have a policy on hair length, so it really has not mattered. But, the thought occurred to me a few days ago that, before I had kids, I would look at just a random kid on the street and think, "Awww, that would be a really cute kid if his/her mom would just get him a cute haircut and some cute clothes." And it seems as though the last few weeks I have been looking at MY kids and thinking the same thing! I had decided this morning that TODAY was THE DAY that all three of my boys get haircuts.

Michael and Mavrick didn't want their hair cut, but I explained to them that they are really nice looking young men, but no one can tell with all that nappy hair. So, they gave in. Major on the other hand. Do you ever read any of my entries about getting him to take a bath? BEATING!!! Well, it is the same with haircuts. He had to sit in my lap. All the hair she cut off of him went on to me and my sweater. He cried, climbed, screamed... it was a beating! I was exhausted. I kept my cool, but I so badly wanted to just cry.

Of course, they all look so handsome now. But it may be a while before we do this again!

I Love Yoga!

We haven’t discussed Yoga in a while. I love Yoga. It has been amazing for my body. I have seen huge changes in my ability to stretch. I love being able to move closer and closer to a pose until I can master it. I love that my wrists and arms are getting so much stronger. And I love the way I feel when class is over – like I have had a message. I love when the college girls are home from school at Christmas or summer and come in for the first time ready to conquer the world, and they leave saying, that was harder than I thought it would be. I love Yoga!

There is a pose that most people have heard of, but may not know: Downward Facing Dog.

Well there is a variation of this pose where you throw one of your legs up, back and over – this is called Flipping Your Dog. I was very uncomfortable with this pose for a very long time. Just after the New Year, I went for it. I flipped my dog. And I was so proud of my progress. I still have some work to do to master this pose, but I am so happy that my body is getting stronger!

I have been going pretty regularly for the last few months. By regular I mean twice a week. The last two weeks I was not able to go due to one thing or another. But today I was able to go back. It was wonderful. I was surprised at how tight I was, but by the end of class I was back on track.

There is a pose that I have been working on that I made a huge step forward with today. It is called the Bird of Paradise. To start you bind in side angle. To bind is to reach one of your hands around your back and the other one under your leg, and then grab your hands together in the back. Once you have done this, you balance and raise your leg ending up in the Bird of Paradise. Today I was able to bind and almost get balanced enough to raise my leg.



OK, you may be thinking, well that is easy enough. If you are, and you don’t practice Yoga regularly, stop what you are doing and try binding. Let me know how that worked out for you!

Things That Suck:

1. Have you ever been out shopping, at dinner, etc… and saw someone that made you think, “Hey, that looks like ____?” But then you realize that _____ is gone from this earth. Tonight I was at the store and turned the corner and standing at the end of the isle was a woman facing the chips and from the side she looked like Angela, my neighbor that passed away due to cancer in September of 2008. Yep, that sucks!

2. Have you ever noticed that the registration sticker/inspection sticker on your car is out and think “OMG! I have got to get that done.” And found yourself still thinking it about a month later when you see a cop in the parking lot. Last night, I was in the Wal-Mart parking lot and passed a cop, who flipped around and pulled me over. He noticed that my registration sticker was out in December. No warning, he just wrote me a ticket. Yep, that sucks!

Three Wishes

Tonight we had one of Major’s favorite shows on, Jack’s Big Music Show. It is really a very cool show that I enjoy watching as well. The characters found a horn and blew it and a Music Genie came out. She then granted the three main characters three wishes. That got me to wondering, if I had three wishes, what would I wish for?

If you would have asked me this question 20 years ago, I am certain the wishes would be different, and easier to come up with. Now, I don’t even know what I would wish for. It is amazing how you change and grow, and so does your perspective. Beauty fades, fortunes get spent, true loves die. Nothing lasts forever.

So do you wish for something to change the here and now? Or do you wish for something in the future? Do you wish things for yourself? For those you love? For the world? If a Genie granted me three wishes, what would I wish for? What would you wish for?

Road Trip Week

WOW! What a busy week. The past several days have been packed full of fun and running around! On Monday, the boys had their gym class and that evening we went to the ADPi house so I could go over some housing stuff with the members. Then we drove to Mom and Dad’s and spent the night.

Tuesday we hung out with mom and dad and the boys burnt leaves. Tuesday afternoon we went to check out a dirt bike track that is just down I-20 from Mom and Dad. It was closed that day, but we got to see it and it looks like it would be A LOT of fun. So, as soon as the boys get comfortable on their dirt bikes we are going to take them there.

Wednesday we drove down to Austin to go to the UT v. Texas Tech game. We had a great time! Mavrick was the DJ on the way down (he called shotgun on Monday because Michael always sits in the front with me). We stopped by the Temple Ronald McDonald House on the way down and dropped off a few boxes of things that the Alumnae Association had collected. The lady there was so nice, she gave both of the boys a baseball cap.

When we got to Austin, we went to Glenda and Marla’s then out to dinner with them. It was very rushed, but a lot of fun.




Then we headed to the game. Finding a parking spot was a beating. I had no idea that there would be that many people at a basketball game. So, we parked in a parking garage that was like 2 miles from the basketball facility. By the end of the evening, I did not feel bad that I had not exercised that morning. The game was good, but Tech lost. The boys said that they really enjoyed it. It was fun just spending time with them.



After the game, just as we walked out of the facility, Mavrick said “I gotta pee.” I told him that was too bad and he would have to wait. I thought for sure we would find a place that was dark enough for him to go. We didn’t. When we got to the parking garage there was a LONG line to get out. I told Mav just to go behind the car and take care of his business. He thought it was hilarious that he had “pissed on UT.” I love that kid. He is so dang funny! 45 minutes later, when we were still in line to get out of the parking garage I had to unbutton my pants because I had to pee so bad! But I held it till we got back to Glenda’s.


Thursday we all slept in. It was nice, but I knew we had to get home and we were on a schedule. We went and met my friend, Darcy for lunch before we left town. Darcy moved to Virginia about two years ago, and now has been back in Texas, Austin that is, for about two weeks. We were really good friends, so it is good to have her back in these parts.

DFW was expecting a HUGE rain storm on Thursday. Sure enough, we got it! And me and the boys were driving in it. We had to go back to the farm to get Major before going home. And Mavrick had basketball practice at 7:00, and Michael’s was 7:30. So, we went as fast as we could in the rain, and made it all happen. I will tell you though, I was one tired little momma when we got home.

My back was all tight, and I could hardly pick up Major out of his car seat. I took a muscle relaxer and had some mommy juice, and POW! I was out. When I woke up this morning to go to the CUBE, I was still drunk! That pill really worked! I had to call us in sick! So today we have just taken it real slow. I am exhausted, and I don’t know if it is that I am just that tired or if I am hung over from muscle relaxer!

Still in My Bed

Well, I know that we have covered this subject previously, but …Major is still sleeping in our bed. Actually, it feels more like we are sleeping in Major’s bed. Really! How did this happen? All the things we didn’t do wrong with Michael and Mav, we have done with Major. Many of the things we did wrong with Michael and Mav we are doing right with Major, but this, this we have failed miserably.

I gave his bedding to a friend of mine who was having a boy. It was pretty much new. I gave the mattress to my sister. We have some of our Christmas stuff that hasn’t made it to the attic yet stored in his room. So, my intent (yes, you have heard this before) is to get his room back in order, with his big boy bed and by his birthday. By April 16th! I gotta have a goal, right!

I think this may have come about, well peaked, this evening when I had to vacuum out my bed because he turned a bag of Gold Fish upside down in my bed. Good Times!

Feet

If you have spent any amount of time with me, you probably know that I have feet issues. I don’t really like them. I think that most feet are ugly. I would rather not see most feet. And please, never touch me with your feet. Really. Now, on the flip side of that (and with me, there will always be a flip side) I love baby feet. I will kiss them, and tickle and hold and, well, I love baby feet. Major is 21 months old and still has very sweet feet. Michael and Mavrick’s feet are border line. Still cute in some ways, but getting uglier by the day. I knew it was love when I would let Mark’s feet touch me. The man has ugly feet, but I love those ugly feet.

Of course, when people have cute feet, I do appreciate them. I, for example, have cute feet. My sister's feet are cute. My old boss, Melanie, her feet are cute. My Granny had cute feet. So, that is four out of the thousands of people I know and have seen their feet. Maybe I am a feet snob? I could never be one of those people who do pedicures! If I am getting a pedi and think about giving someone one, I get really uncomfortable. I am also very ticklish, so I only get one around Mother’s Day (whether I need it or not). They are the only pair I will ever get, so I gotta take care of them.

There is only one problem with my cute feet. My toes get cold. I mean like ICE. Really. I am sitting here right now, in a 70 degree house and my toes are cold. Maybe I have bad circulation. They look cute, but I’m not sure that they function correctly. LOL! I was laughing about a week ago because my feet were SO cold when I went to bed. They always are. Most of the time I wear socks. Sexy, I know. Anyway, I was thinking about how long Mark has been sleeping with these cold feet, or sexy socks. My feet have touched him in the night and woke him up because they were so cold. At least his feet aren’t cold!

Dead in my tracks!

Do you ever come across something that just stops you dead in your tracks? It’s so random, and your mind moves so quickly that you suddenly notice that you’re not breathing. I did today. I was on FaceBook and saw a picture of a friend of mine with his little brother. They are cute guys and you can tell that they are close. It was a good picture.

When I saw it I thought “aww. That’s a good picture.” But all of the sudden I was thinking, “I had a brother. He was a lot taller than me too. I wonder what he would be doing today. Where he would live. Who he would be married to. What his kids would be like.”

I think I have taught myself not to think, and especially dwell, on it. But when I go there, I still crash pretty hard. So, I stood in the kitchen and cried for about 30 minutes. This year will be 20 years. To me, that is unbelievable! Unbelievable.

Happy New Year! 2010!

We started out our New Year the way we have for several of the past year, with some great friends! We started having a NYE party about 7 or 8 years ago, when we and everyone we knew had itty-bitty kids, but we still wanted to hangout and ring in the New Year rather than go to bed at 9:00. I have grown to believe that it is really important to teach our kids traditions and the importance of being socially active.

In addition to having friends and neighbors over, another tradition that my kids do came from some other really good friends in Arkansas, the Goodpastor’s. We spent many New Year’s Eves with them and my parents after mom and dad moved to Dallas. Their family always got pots and pans and went outside and banged on them with a spoon. Now, every year, right before mid-night, my boys line all the kids up in the kitchen and pass out pots and spoons and them march them outside to count down. It is so much fun to see them having their traditions, and it always makes me think of Mike and Sudean.







My mom always said to start the New Year doing what you want to do all year long. So, for me, that entailed going to the gym, doing a little shopping with girlfriends, taking the kids to the movies and eating our favorite pizza for dinner. I would say it was a great way to start out a great New Year!

And today was just as good as yesterday. I went to the gym this morning for Yoga. At the beginning of each class we take a moment and “set our intention for the class.” Today, I wanted to “push myself just a bit more.” I had not been to Yoga in about a month, so I was not sure what that point would be, but it is a new year, so bring it! So, today, I flipped my dog – both ways! I had been kind of scared to do that before, but know that I know I can, I will do it from now on! Yea Me!

And now, I am about to snuggle up in a warm blanket and watch Texas Tech win the Alamo Bowl. Happy New Year all!