Distance and Dependence

Last October, mom and dad moved to the farm. The farm was my grandparents place and really the only constant home I ever knew. We lived in several houses, but the house mom and dad lived in, I had no emotional attachment to at all. The farm, I definitely have emotional feelings here.

So, after 8 years of living around the corner and down 11 houses from mom and dad, I was sad when they moved away. They were not only our family, but our friends, our neighbors, our babysitters, our grocery store. Mark had even said, just a few months before they moved out here, “I don’t know what we would do without your parents here.”

I had to make BIG adjustments in my life. They weren’t bad, but it did mean I had to put on my big girl panties and deal with things more often than I had grown accustomed to. Now, I look back on how I felt when they moved, and it was like I mourned for them. I grieved the loss of that connection. In some strange way though, it was like God was preparing us for this time, for this season. I cannot even imagine still seeing Daddy every day, because I did see him pretty much every day, and losing him. Mom would be at work, but Daddy was ALWAYS there when I needed anything. I cannot even imagine losing him if he were still such a constant in my, in our, lives. I can’t imagine being more devastated, but I know I would be.

And just as I learned to deal with things when they moved, I will learn to deal with Daddy moving to Heaven. And just as I didn’t have to like them moving, but I had to accept it, one day, I know I will accept this, but I know it will never be ok. I don’t have to like it, but I have to accept it.