Father's Day

I am looking forward to the day that I can joke and play again. And I know it will come, but today is just not that day.

This was my first Father’s Day without my father. It’s been a rough day, and a very long day. Me and the kids got up and went to our church. Major threw a massive fit and ended up going to service with me. Thankfully, Michael and Mavrick went to their group. About the second song I lost it. I don’t even remember what song it was, but it opened my heart enough to relieve some of the pain that is there.

I think I am physically, emotionally and mentally empty. Done. Bankrupt. But I am having trouble crying , having trouble grieving . Perhaps in part to the fact that I still can believe my current reality. Yesterday I saw one of my neighbors and he said, “I sure am sorry to hear about your dad.” And for a split second I thought “what in the hell are you talking about?” Then like a ton of bricks it hit me.

I am so blessed to have had 39 years with the best dad on earth. You know, even when he was mad at me, it still wasn’t bad. He was so patient and so kind. My heart is just broken. But I thank God for my boys to keep me going. Tonight I sat down in the shower to just cry, and I would probably still be there if it were not time to get Major in bed and for Michael and Mavrick’s showers. Time will not stand still, the world is still turning. And not only am I a grieving daughter, I am the mother of three beautiful boys who need me to. So, we shall go on…

Yellow roses grow in heaven, Lord pick a bunch for me. Place them in my
father's arms and tell him they're from me. Tell him that I love and
miss him. When he turns to smile place a kiss upon his cheek and hold
him for awhile, because remembering him is easy, I do it every day.
There's an ache in my heart that will never go away.
Happy Father's Day! I love you Daddy!