My Step-Grandmother

ELVA – The funeral home delivered Elva’s roses to the house and not to her at the funeral home, so when the kids and I left on Tuesday we took them by to her. She was glad that we had come by and we had a very pleasant conversation.

It is a strange relationship. I love her because my Pop-paw loved her. And I love her because she is my kids “MeeMaw.” I respect both of those relationships. But she wasn’t always good to Pop, and there were several times that she was outright mean to Mom. I am aware of both of those, so it makes it difficult to not have some feelings that are not all lovie dovie. It's like I love her, but sometimes I don't like her. (See Mark, it's not just you I do that with:)

I am glad that Pop found someone to love again. I am glad that he didn’t spend his last ten years alone. I appreciate the good things that Elva brought to his life. But I have also seen her try to manipulate him, and it makes me sad to think of how she may have treated him when no one was around. One of their caregivers who was with them before they went to the nursing home told us that she was often mean to Pop. That makes me upset.

I always have my guard up when I talk with her. I don’t want to be manipulated, so I am always reading between the lines… so, when she said “I really think it was the beginning of the end when he couldn’t drive anymore. He got real mad, then he would grieve, then he’d be mad and then grieve some more. I really think that is what started it.” I felt angry. I felt like she was trying to blame his death on my uncle Calvin and my mom. Yes, they asked that he not drive anymore, but he had recently had an accident, he was 87 years old, and it just wasn’t worth all the risks. It makes me sad if he was really that upset about it. But if he would have had an accident and killed someone, or himself… it just wasn’t worth all the risks.

That one little statement made me want to quit talking to her. I was nice, and I will continue to be nice because of the relationships I mentioned earlier. I will continue to take the kids by to see her when we are in town. This relationship is a strange and often difficult dynamic to my life.